Tuesday 6 December 2016

Toxic People and why you should keep away from them by Ritambhara Sahni

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 on Toxic People and why you should stay away from Them
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Stay away from toxicity in life
by Ritambhara Sahni
I have realized that I am in love with imperfection. Perfect things and people have always given me stress and brought me loads of unhappiness at times. I would like to be perfect in what is required and necessary to be perfect at but perfection in everything is way load of stress.

Being human is complicated as opposed to being open to the world which is just awesome to be - but when you are open to the world you are also open to the negativity that spills from it. The major thing is that the people you are close to should be the ones who are worthy of you. Self - love comes from self - esteem and being around positive people makes great lives.

We are all human and not perfect in every way. We are going to make mistakes, make wrong decisions, hurt our near and dear ones, do things to get our way and say certain things that should have never have been said. Its ok I guess because like I always say for me - failure is the best teacher, we all do eventually learn from our mistakes but we sure do rise from them as we are all human. However toxic people are people who don't learn from their mistakes, they don't feel they are wrong even if they hurt you, they always feel they are right.

Toxic People Are :

Control freaks :

Your relationships should let you be what you want to be and not how your friend / partner wants you to be. You can take and give an opinion or an idea but it cant be imposed or forced in any direct or any indirect way. You should have your own space and independence in a relationship and in no way should you feel restricted in any aspect.

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A relationship works both ways, both work towards it to make it work, both do for each other. If you end up doing alone and try your best to make it work and the other person just does not do anything then your the one who is giving everything to the relationship. When we invest in a relationship , we mostly invest emotional energy and that's why we are the most hurt when its one sided. If we would direct our emotional energy to a deserving relationship where the other person equally works towards building on the relationship just like you are, it is totally worth and you are away from toxicity.

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Will never be there to receive you:
You call them as many times or message them , they will respond selectively according to their mood and convenience. They may even keep you guessing if they genuinely could not respond or was it on purpose and will always make you wonder about them as they have already manipulated you into believing that they want u in their lives but will play emotional games and pull you towards them and not be there for you at the time of your need and will have fake convincing excuses ready.

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Recognize the manipulator:

They lie either completely or say half lies. They will make you believe your the best, they will bring you to the top with their words and then crush you somewhere and leave you guessing. They will make you doubt yourself. They will make you feel wanted and then disappear. Also they will tell you things that you really want to hear and will make you very happy but they steal your happiness away. They tease you and make you feel bad and they then make you feel worse for not understanding that it was just harmless teasing. Also if they have your secrets , they will accidentally leak them out and say it was an accident and you wont be able to blame them for it. Its useless arguing with manipulators as they continue to manipulate. The best is to stay away from them as they are toxic. They’ll only hear things through their negative filter, so the more you talk, the more they’ll twist what you’re saying. They want power, not a relationship. They’ll use your weaknesses against you and they’ll use your strengths – your kindness, your openness, your need for stability in the relationship. If they’re showing tenderness, be careful – there’s something you have that they want. Show them the door, and lock it when they leave.

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The one who does everything for you not to follow your dreams :

I believe you need to dream to achieve. That is the whole truth even behind 'the secret'. If you think it, and you think positively about it, it will happen. If you have someone in your life who puts you down about your dreams and does not encourage you or does or says anything directly or indirectly that brings your dreams down for you....that person is surly toxic. The people who tell you that you won’t succeed are usually the ones who are scared that you will. 

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They are Liars

If i have to lie to someone so that I don't hurt the person and the person only has to gain, then it is ok. A lie that will enhance a relationship and not hurt anyone in anyway, is worth it. However lying for personal gain is what a toxic person is always about. Such a lie will always affect the relationship and make it absolutely unhealthy.
You are who you are and not what others want you to be:
If someone constantly tells you - oh my God ! please do your eyebrows, please wear good cloths etc., you lack intelligence, you have no clue about things, you need to be fit...tries to change you constantly. Does not appreciate anything good about you and constantly tells you that you are not good enough and you need to change according to what they think is right, please stay away from these people. You will never be good for them and they will never admit it is the truth. By making you feel small, they feel awesome. Its them who are insecure and by putting you down and seeing it affects you they gain control on you. These people will make you doubt yourself by slowly convincing you that they know best, and that they’re doing it all for you. Its your life, you know what right and wrong, if you feel you don't look good in the mirror , its up to you to decide what to do. If someone finds you dum , then its their problem not yours. Be with people who appreciate you for who you are and not what they want you to be.

They Cheat
Be it your loved one, your family, your friend, they may cheat on you. I guess anything does one could be forgiven depending on the situation but however if cheating becomes a constant habit , then its time to move on from this relationship. Toxic people will cheat after being forgiven. They are surly not worth it. Please keep them out of your life to attract someone better and worth it.
Their Problem is always greater than your problem.
If they have a problem, its a big deal. If you have a problem greater than theirs, it's really ok as you can deal with your problem but they cant deal with their problem. You need to 1st help them fix their problem and then you could deal with yours. Their cellphone would hang and they would make a big deal about it but if you lost your cellphone, its not a problem to them. If people don't care about your problems , and worry about themselves the most - move on to better energy. 

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These people are not toxic as a whole , its their behavior which is toxic and that behavior becomes their habit. Toxic people direct their smartness and intelligence which they have in abundance towards negativity and they definitely lack emotional intelligence. They always will choose to be with kind hearted people who are givers in a relationship as they will definitely get it back from another toxic person. They will always break the kind persons heart who has given so much to the relationship.
Toxic people are dangerously negative to your soul and heart and they should be kept away away away !!! If you are the giver in the relationship and you are trying each time to make it work but you fail and you are unhappy each time, its time to let go and rise to better meaningful non toxic relationships.

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  1. Well writen and very true. Great insight and advice. As shame that media seems to always depict men as the abusers and women as the victims. The truths you have shared here apply equally to both.

    1. Hey , so nice to read this and thank you so much for all the appreciation. I am so happy you agree and and appreciate my advise. I totally agree that the truths apply equally to both. There are more pointers that i shall add on to this article and reshare it. Hope you read that too. Once again reading your comment made me really happy and thank you once again :)