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Should the man always pay on a date when in a relationship??

Love and Relationships by Ritambhara Sahni

This article is for females only to understand men better , get the man you want more attracted to you and create a great relationship.
So, when my dad and me - Ritambhara Sahni use to teach at our finishing school years back. A lot of females would ask us these question .....
- Who pays on the 1st date or who should usually pay ?
- Or should it be dutch ?
- What happens once you are in the relation with the man ? Then who pays ?
- Should he ask you to contribute each time ?
- Should i take charge at times ?

There was always that confusion there.

Should the man always pay in a relationship by Ritambhara Sahni

Well, In the 70's and 80's in India we were brought up with a mindset that the man is the provider and the woman looks after the house. So it was understood by many women that the man always pays and she never really needs to pay. But she needs to look after him and his family and be a good housewife. Also women having their careers was considered taboo in so many families and was never appreciated. That was the mindset then.

Today we are in 2016...a lot has changed. In majority of families girls having a career is a must. So one good thing is that now girls do have a career and can be potential providers. Now a days both men and women have careers and married couples who work hire domestic help and continue to live their lives with their careers. However, in terms of dating the above mindset remains the same that the guy always has to pay and be the provider irrespective of the girl having her career :). Also on the flip side many houses have females who work and look after the house. So they are providers and housewives. - Both unfair right ??

However...do read ahead....

Well, money is a necessity of course but not everything but it changes the way people think and it changes relationships. So yes , I think this REALLY matters, so please do keep an open mind as you read ahead. However the bottom line of this article is only to get the man you want more attracted to you and make the relationship last.

The reason why every man should pay on the 1st date as said by many love guru's for men is because he is asking the lady out and he wants to make her feel special. Also when a man decides to split the bill on the 1st date then the impression a female gets is that he does not want to look at her more than a friend but just a buddy. Also if he makes the girl pay when he asks her out then any girl would get switched off and infact feel insulted. She would feel insulted as he asked her on a date to make her feel special and he wanted to spend time with her and she accepted. So yes on date 1 if he has asked her out ...it is given that he should pay.

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However, according to the survey done in the recent years your behavior on the 1st date matters A LOT. We surveyed many men and there were many men who were so turned off by a woman’s attitude towards money that they instantly switched off from her only because of her attitude with money.
This is a controversial question for some ....i agree to that as well...but read ahead...
So years back and even as of today as we ask this question to so many females that who should be paying in the relationship ? The answer of majority of women always is that - THE MAN SHOULD PAY :). Like he is the man , he is the gentleman ...so he should pay.
Ok....so in today's time if i ask females this question that will you do anything that your man or any guy you are on a date with or have been dating asks you to do ?
Ans:....some said depends and most of the women said 'NO' - they wont. They will only do something when both agree. The most important word here is 'BOTH'.

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I'm sorry to break today's reality to you but this is really unfair. If you feel that a guy always should pay, you are indirectly asking him to pay to be with you. And what you are definitely saying is that - ' This relationship isn't equal'. You are saying - ' I am worth more than you and thats why you should pay for it. Thats the message you are actually giving.
On a date if you do not offer to pay at least your share , according to me - Ritambhara Sahni and the surveys done all these years it would truly be inappropriate. If the man does not pay, then that is absolutely inappropriate . Most men said that they would love to pay but they said that if the woman just does not offer to pay every time, they would not want to be dating them.

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Girls, the reality and the truth is that you need to treat your partner just like you would treat your best buddie. ...that is your best friend. You cannot differentiate how you would treat your best friend and boyfriend in this aspect. You wouldn't tell your best friend that whenever we go out...its you whose always going to be paying. You treat your best friend as an equal , so why not your boyfriend. Maybe you do less...but at least you contribute like a friend.
Also i have been asked this question by many girls that my guy makes me pay always...he never pays.
Well, if the guy expects you to pay always ...its the same thing ...he thinks he is more worth it than you ..

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If your guy plans on a vacation and you can contribute for some part of the vacation, you should put that foot forward. Because what means the most to a guy that you are making an effort to contribute and to be together as a team. When you will not make an effort to contribute , the guy is definitely going to feel used just like your friend would if you would do this with her. A good , confident and self respecting man will feel he is being taken advantage of if the girl does not contribute. This really does not have anything to do with money - but a lack of gesture.
When your in a relationship, treat the relationship just like a relationship with your best friend.

Should he always be the provider
by Ritambhara Sahni

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How to change his casual behavior to the 'ideal guy' behavior and transform your relationship with him or men forever by Ritambhara Sahni.

Ritambhara Sahni on Love and Relationships

How to change his casual behavior to the 'ideal guy' behavior and transform your relationship with him or men forever by Ritambhara Sahni.

Does your man treat you the way he wants to and you just cant say anything coz you feel you will lose him ?? Or perhaps get him angry ???
Why is that so many women let men treat them so negligently ???
Are you waiting for him to change one day after being treated like this ??? Do you feel by behaving the way you are behaving he will realize what your worth and treat you the way you should be treated ???
Well chances are that he wont .....so please do read ahead as this will definitely help you to change your relationship with your man the 'way you desire it' and otherwise modify and change your relationship with men forever....Read ahead...
I not only ran Ritambhara Sahni's Institute For the Performing Arts but also had my finishing school known as Ritambhara Sahni's Institute For Self Esteem. We covered many many life changing topics at my school and most of them eventually led to self esteem.

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Today I will talk about a topic which most of the girls and women would talk about those days during the years 1996 and also today as I run belly dance institute Mumbai by Ritambhara Sahni , i still have been asked this question by so many many women in so many different ways.
The question is - Why does my guy / my man treat me this way ? I really want him to be that ideal guy - the right guy.
Well, the answer is in the question itself - he treats you so badly, so casually, like taken for granted is because you allow him to do so...you have given him the permission and that's why you are getting this kind of behavior from him.
You definitely cannot stop anyone from behaving badly but you can control the way you react to their bad behavior because if you don't they are definitely going to walk all over you and treat you lower than you are. Its really at that time you have to decide if you should stay with them or go, if you should say what you feel or just keep quite and let them walk over you whenever they want.
Really ??? Why would you or anyone do that to themselves ??

Why do so many young girls and women permit this behavior time and again ??
Of course its a great reason and the reason is that we love them too much. We love that person so much that you accept anything to be that person....even this disrespectful behavior. Yes you totally accept it and you make excuses to yourself and to the world trying to accept this behavior so that you can be with the person you love.
But we are really forgetting one thing which I need to tell the world from my point of view and that is that love is a great emotion but here we are dealing with Love primarily being a 'selfish' emotion for so many of us today. You want to be with someone you love coz you feel good with that person and to feel that feel you are doing whatever it takes to be with that person. We shall talk about 'selfless' and 'selfish' love in my future posts. Coming back to the topic now ---be it 'selfish' or 'selfless love' - you are being treated the way you are being treated because you think very low of yourself. You do not think you are worth a better behavior from your man / guy because you are settling in for what you are getting from him.
You obviously are and have ways to stay with him because if you leave him, how are you going to feel and more important how will you find this with someone else ??
Mostly in another situation where 'love for a person' would not be involved - you probably would leave or have a different behavior & attitude and different beliefs & ideas and would make completely different decisions.
This could mean that in office your colleague puts you down, but you don't let that happen, instead you stand up for who you are and do not take that bullshit. You definitely respect what you are and know your worth at work and are quite sure about yourself and thus no one can put you down. You love what you do and respect your work and yourself to be let down. So yes your behavior, attitude, belief and thoughts with your profession and the love of your life is different in this case.
This means that you could advise somebody else to do the right thing for themselves in the exact same or similar situation but when it comes to you , you would not be able to live up to what you preach to others and simply create reasons and situations to stay in the' non-worthy 'relationship. So again a different set of thoughts, beliefs behavior and attitude when it come to you.
The usual reasons and excuses that I have heard of is that....

- oh - he is just too busy, his job is demanding - its not his fault, or
- that's the way he is but he has a lovely side too which I cannot never find n the whole world, ...and many more.
Also I have heard girls and women say,....

'marriage'- Ritambhara I tell you - its an adjustment. In relationships you really need to be understanding and believe me I am, I forgive and forget and that's how my relation / marriage has come this far... Really ???? The truth is that you are not being honest with yourselves - you are simply justifying to yourself the situation that you are in .

Love and realationships advise by Ritambhara Sahni

Ladies - you need to value yourselves more, and you definitely need to communicate honestly with your man / guy so that he knows what your worth for you to come to a level of 'worth it' for him as he is to you. You have to value yourselves high for him to value you high and if you do not communicate honestly about what you don't like and like in a relationship and letting that person walk all over us again and again, then you are giving him no reason or inspiration to change !! Forget change, his behavior will become worse for sure just to see his limits of bad , casual and 'taking for granted' behavior with you. A time may come that he does something so obviously disrespectful like ' actually going with another woman in front of you' , ' taking away all your finances' , and worse things i have witnessed but cannot mention here. But such a time may come and then you would not even be able to make excuses anymore and would have no choice but to leave.
But Ritambhara Sahni cannot say bravo to that . I have seen everyone's friends and family say ' ...

you were really good but its great you saw him finally for what he was'...'now good riddens to bad rubbish' .

My gosh this is not the end....this is where it gets worse. This is the time which is actually the most dangerous for some. You definitely need friends and family to get you strong and make you realize your self- worth but seriously you are your best friend , teacher and guide. Your value for yourself was already low....in this period u definitely think of how long and how much time you gave the relationship, you feel you wasted time and do not feel like being with anyone.
I have heard so many girls say....
- ' now I am done with men' - 'I don't want a man'
or even moms say - ' after my daughters experience - she never wants to marry now'.
But what happens when you give up on love ??? when you give up on finding someone ??? or just have not dated anyone ?? You have created a hugh gap of time and distance ,

and yes I have seen girls eventually start to believe and feel .....

he just did this one bad thing, otherwise he was ok ?? Infact he was good. At least I had someone !!

I cant do better than him and I deserve this behavior from him.
I would say then you actually deserve this behavior from any other guy too. And yes i have seen girls find new love with similar abusive relationships. What really has happened here ????Well....your self worth is the same !!!!

So if you are finding the same things again and again , you are doing the same things again and again is something that you must have heard or read !!!

Well in this case , you need to value yourself higher in order to change the guy or change what kind of guy you get.

In order to change what you going to get , you need to definitely value yourself high and pay attention to your gut and instincts , be it the start of your relationship or a relationship for years. By instincts I mean - moments where you feel -' this may not be right' . Think of your realistic ideal partner and if his behavior is any different from that you expect from your ideal man in terms of the level of value he is placing on you then it is something to think about.
When your gut feeling tells you that 'somethings not right', 'i should not be with this person', 'this is not how a man should behave'......that is just half the bridge crossed. Because most of the women when they reach here....they act against their guts and instincts as their self worth is so low that it refrains them from making the right decision.

You need to have enough self worth to make that right decision and act on it. You need to be fearless to act on your gut. Your fear is that you will not find someone like this guy....or you may not find someone else...But hellooo....we really don't need this guy if he is continuing to behave the way he behaving. You need to have the faith that you will find someone else and again the faith can only come from raising yourself higher than you already think.

You have to go towards the fear to be fearless, you need to take a step back when something is not right and you need to be absolutely positive and certain that you are eventually going to find the right ideal guy.
You have to communicate what your worth in your actions, behavior and words as well as we all are worth it !!
Ritambhara Sahni wants you to REMEMBER:
'When our self worth is low, we can never make the right decisions and we can waste YEARS OF OUR LIFE deliberately., debating not acting on what we know because we don't feel good enough'
' Its very easy to do the wrong thing but extremely difficult to do the right thing.'

Transform your sense of self worth once and for all to not only to clarify your instincts but to trust them. Trust your instincts and act on them . When you act on your instincts - you level up in life. You do things that are scary only because they are the right things to do and they will improve the quality of your life.

Ritambhara Sahni - teacher, leader and motivator

By profession, Currently I teach belly dancing at my institute- Belly Dance Institute Mumbai by Ritambhara Sahni and I would also like you to read 2 life changing reviews of my students who got empowered with belly dancing and built the self worth to make the right decisions.....Do click on the following links to read these life changing reviews :

Ritambhara Sahni Review :A Girls Broken Engagement of her student